Meditations on Grace

"How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!"

Romans 11:33

I recently had a discussion with some good friends of mine about a quote given by a well-respected Christian author. The quote read: "Too many rules is legalistic but too much grace is enabling." I understand the point that the author was trying to make, and I don't disagree with the heart of the argument he was giving regarding discipline, but it still made my skin crawl. I don't fault the author for it as, one friend reminded me, our language does use the word grace in this context rather frequently. But my hope is that the world can recognize that this definition falls terribly short of what is intended when "grace" is referenced in the New Testament.

As I speak to this, please know that I do not see myself as an expert but as a life-long sojourner whose awe broadens with each new city I discover. Everything that I write is a humble attempt to make sense of the nonsensical. I just wanted to throw that qualifier (or dis-qualifier) in there before I continue.

While legalism and grace do, I think, stand in stark contrast to one another, New Testament grace in its truest sense never ENABLES a person to indulge in what law forbids. It does sometimes supersede the law and it always forgives even the most heinous offenses, but grace includes the healing balm that frees the one that it touches. It doesn't simply turn a blind eye to evil or offer some free passes and leniency here and there. It looks evil head on and actually reveals just how ugly and wrong it is. But rather than ignore it or condemn it, grace surprisingly lets it be while revealing an incomparably better way. That may not be what you expected me to say, but it's the truth. Grace allows the wretchedness of evil to play out to its ultimate conclusion. It even absorbs the evil into itself so that it can identify and empathize with the pain of the one that has been wrecked by it. But grace doesn't stop there. It's much more relentless than that. In its allowance of evil, it embraces the one caught in evil's grip and teaches a new way to live. Without force, manipulation or coercion, grace simply opens blind eyes and deaf ears. It restores all that was destroyed. 

Having said that, the methods that grace uses are vast and mysterious. There is no one way that its infinitely creative methods chooses to work (because it will not manipulate or control to achieve its sovereign will, it has to think outside the box). There is no structure or boundary that can keep the arms and legs of grace from dancing where it will. The law, however, is a stone temple. It's a statue that has no heart and no mind of its own. Grace is a person known to the New Testament as Jesus of Nazareth. He is living and breathing and sees the beautiful people behind their behavior. He knows, for example, that the woman caught in adultery doesn't need to be stoned as commanded by the law. She's a fellow human being, after all! What one among us has not hurt another person through our selfishness?

He knows the Samaritan woman at the well, the social outcast that can't keep a husband, doesn't need to be shunned as the mores of the time demanded. He sees all of the ugliness and baggage that has been attached to her existence and he still says that abundant life can flow from her innermost being. Grace doesn't know how to disqualify.

He also sees through the empty exterior of Nicodemas, a Pharisee and ruler of the Jews who comes to speak with Jesus under the cover of night. In the true spirit of grace, Jesus doesn't tippy toe around him with niceties and say, "You're doing a great job following all the rules and keeping God's chosen people in line! Well done there, lad." No, he invites him to open his eyes to the way of the Spirit of God, which is free and moves with the unpredictability of the wind. He tells him that God's way is not to condemn under the unbending demands of Israel's instituted tradition, but to save the offenders of this law through love, mercy and self-giving. Grace isn't a one-size-fits-all teaching method. If there are 7 billion people on the planet, then there are at least  that many expressions of grace in action.

Paul called the law a tutor for children, and it is. But it is a tutor that, by itself, has no heart or brains to realize that its students aren't produced by a robotics manufacturer. That is why the writer of Hebrews called its enforcement "inferior". Jesus didn't come to set up a new system with a proper balance BETWEEN law and grace. He came to offer grace upon grace upon grace and in so doing, he fulfilled the fullest extent of the law with a righteousness that EXCEEDED that of the Pharisees. It was a righteousness called Love. In 1Corinthians Paul also teaches about love inviting us to leave childish ways behind. One of the brilliances of the cross of our crucified Christ is that it exposes the childish nature of adhering strictly to the stone-carved letter. The fact that the law could legitimately condemn a man to death for "blasphemously" referring to God as his Father and leader of this compassionate inclusion of "sinners" brings such immaturity to light.

I heard recently that the Dalai Lama has been quoted as saying, "Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively." That sounds like our Lord.

I'm reading a book by Annie Dillard called "Pilgrim at Tinker Creek". She has just finished talking about a certain kind of wasp that kills honeybees by squeezing its abdomen in order to drink the sweet honey from its mouth. While observing this, the wasp was then captured by a praying mantis who began eating the wasp. While the wasp was being eaten, he continued drinking the honey from his bee. Following this description, Ms. Dillard says:

"Nature is, above all, profligate. Don't believe them when they tell you how economical and thrifty nature is, whose leaves return to the soil. Wouldn't it be cheaper to leave them on the tree in the first place? This deciduous business alone is a radical scheme, the brainchild of a deranged manic-depressive with limitless capital. Extravagance! Nature will try anything once. This is what the sign of the insects says. No form is too gruesome, no behavior too grotesque. If you're dealing with organic compounds, then let them combine. If it works, if it quickens, set it clacking in the grass; there's always room for one more; you ain't so handsome yourself. This is a spendthrift economy; though nothing is lost, all is spent."

Now THAT is a good description of the indescribable grace. Grace doesn't water down the written code. But, by nature, it is much grander than the law. It holds it in it's inescapable grip and transforms its slaves into free sons and daughters. There's no one too gruesome, no behavior too grotesque. The lavish heart of grace just doesn't know how to give up. Oh the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God!

Easter Thoughts

“My beloved responded and said to me,
‘Arise, my darling, my beautiful one,
And come along.

‘For behold, the winter is past,
The rain is over and gone.

‘The flowers have already appeared in the land;
The time has arrived for pruning the vines,
And the voice of the turtledove has been heard in our land.

‘The fig tree has ripened its figs,
And the vines in blossom have given forth their fragrance.
Arise, my darling, my beautiful one,
And come along!’”

Song of Solomon 2:10-13

I love Holy Week. I think I really began to enjoy its annual occurrence about four years ago. I remember it was Easter Sunday and I was scheduled to work the morning shift of my desk job at the tennis club where my husband is a teaching pro. Being a holiday, there weren't many people coming in, so I was alone for most of my 6.5 hour shift. It was the first time I'd ever skipped church on an Easter and I thought I'd be a little sad to miss out on the festivities with my fellow brethren. But as the sunlight poured through the pro shop windows and I sat in complete silence perched on my stool, I became incredibly aware of something…or Someone in attendance with me. Grace. This Jesus…this resurrected Lord was surrounding me, embracing me in the Beloved. I almost didn't want to move because I was afraid that the slightest breath would distract me from the consciousness of that moment. Everything around me seemed alive. The distinct smell of tennis balls was something more than an ordinary day at work. It was the fragrance of life somehow. When I finally dared to move, I went up on the balcony overlooking the empty courts and I stretched out my arms and in a voice just above a whisper I declared, "Jesus is here." Something about the silence was so full and so breath-taking. Nothing in me had the ability to interpret what was happening, all I could do was know that it was happening.

At the time, I was reading something by C. S. Lewis. I can't remember for certain, but I think it was "The Great Divorce." The subject on my mind was to do with the intermingling of time and eternity. I've always felt such an interesting connection with Clive (Jack) Staples Lewis. I don't even always like or agree with or understand what he writes, but in my imagination he is a sort of Grandfather to me, or maybe a Great Uncle. His thoughts have the ability to draw me in and take me on a journey that pulls me outside of my normal realm of thinking and invites me to question the unquestionable and to explore this existence as a plain of infinite possibilities.

That morning, after preaching to my congregation of tennis courts, I returned to the desk and looked at the picture of C. S. Lewis that was on the back of the book. I've studied his face hundreds of times, but this particular time, my eyes filled with tears and I kissed the small, square, black and white photograph. Something in that book that he had written decades before I was even born had led me into a moment of sheer presence. It was presence with my Creator, with the resurrected Christ in me, with Uncle Jack and with…tennis balls. As Robert Capon would say, it was a surprise "beyond all liking and happening."

The feeling and intensity of that morning faded, but the faith that was birthed, or perhaps resurrected, remains a constant companion even when I forget that it's there. And it has taught me to stay awake, stay sober in the reality of here and now because that is the only place where this surprising gift of fuller presence finds us and knocks us down with its hugs and kisses and assurances of love. Faith surely isn't a feeling or an intellectual certainty, but is much more a knowing; a knowing that includes doubt as well as the very real substance of pure eternity that resides in every human heart.

Since then, Holy week has intrigued me. Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, Resurrection Sunday…the events that we remember on these days are so beyond our ability to comprehend. They burst with truth and reality and they are surely worth meditating upon throughout all of the 51 other Holy Weeks throughout the year. But as a creature caught in time, I like the anticipation and build up surrounding this week and the way that nature celebrates it with us in the newness of the Spring season. 

My favorite verses for Easter are the ones from Song of Solomon that I posted at the top. They reveal the mystical romance that is present in the cross and resurrection. In death and in suffering, in rejection and in confusion, our great Lover joined us in a holy matrimony of violent flesh with forgiving God and the silence of the grave became, not the end of our story, but the bedchamber from which new life could be conceived. And now, when all hope seems lost from our perspective; when suffering seems to be our defeat or when we think we've committed an unforgivable atrocity and the darkness of the tomb closes in, suddenly a melody comes out of nowhere to awaken something new! Arise, my darling! Or as John Mark McMillan beautifully puts it: affliction is eclipsed by glory. 

The grave has become the very place of life. Who can understand this? I sure don't. But I hear it. And moment by moment I know that this unfathomable Lover is transforming His Beloved, of which we are all a part.

May the magnitude of these days seduce us out of our fear and into their Truth.

Discipleship: A scary word?

...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Philippians 3: 10-11

So, I haven't given up blogging. I know that my posts are few and far between. My problem is that I have about a thousand thoughts that I'm meditating on daily and I almost become paralyzed over what I should attempt to put into words.

I gotta say, the Holy Spirit really is an amazing teacher (and I don't mean that I'm just sitting around listening for my own nuggets or personal 'words from the Lord', but rather that I listen to a plethora of voices from scholars to mystics to friends and family and the scriptures, and as I hear them, the Spirit guides my thoughts into new realms of understanding) but man, He goes fast. The minute that I think I'm settled into an idea and that it can't get any better…it does.

So, the things that I have been pondering lately are judgment and discipleship. I haven't been pondering them much in relation to one another (although I think I'll have to get to that) but rather, as separate ideas, they are both at the forefront of my mind. Now don't get scared. I acknowledge that these two words are pretty weighty. If you've been a Christian for any length of time, you've been hit with them in one way or another. But the one I want to focus in on for this post is discipleship. I'll eventually get around to writing about my developing thoughts on judgment, but for now I don't think my understanding is ripe enough to produce a yummy piece of fruit for anyone that may be listening. All I'll say for now is that the Rose Colored Gospel (the rose being Jesus) has convinced me that judgment is always, always restorative. There is nothing to fear from the throne of Grace….but most especially condemnation and shame are not to be feared. Yes, even "unbelievers", whom we often think are and will be condemned by the Father, in reality are not. It is their own unbelief in their acceptance by him that condemns them. Condemnation is dark and ugly and deathly. But the epistle from John says that God is light and that in him is no darkness at all. But I digress. I'll get back to writing on that when my thoughts have ripened a bit more.

Discipleship…

Now I don't mean to imply that I "get" discipleship any better than judgment. I don't think I have a handle on it as much as it has a handle on me and has drawn me in for a closer look. 

For about two years I feel like I've been on a bit of a religious detox. I realize almost daily that it is still not completely out of my system (meaning my system of thinking and seeing god, myself and the world), but I am happy to be in recovery. Everything I thought I knew with certainty has crumbled like a house of straw before the breath-taking beauty of the heart of God revealed in the the cross of Christ. Only Jesus is left standing, and yet even he does not look to me as he used to.

When this "detox" began, discipleship was a word that made my stomach churn. "To be a disciple, you must count the cost…", "To follow Jesus is to lose your life…", "If you want to be my disciple you must deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me…" 

These phrases were absolutely fraught with bondage for me. To use this language was to say to me, "You're not doing enough. You're a disappointment. You still have such a long way to go. You're not really a Christian." Discipleship was the impossible measuring stick that I was tired of being compared to and always found wanting.

So the day that Grace came to me and spoke to me of my perfection in Love, of my absolute acceptance, of my sonship (daughtership sounds weird) and my blameless, spotless standing before the Father and that this has ALWAYS been the case (it did not become so the day that I "accepted Jesus" or believed and prayed just the right thing or was baptized or was "filled with the spirit", but rather was true from the moment God knew me…which was always, as I've never existed apart from him. And to be known by him is to be loved by him and to be loved by him is to be perfected by him.) I was not in any hurry to jump back into a hog pen now that I was home. 

Many people consider and talk about the prodigal son ending up in the awful hog pen because of his horrendous sins and transgressions, but I posit that the jealous older brother's hogpen was much worse. It's worse because he thinks he's home. For all of his "lack of sin and transgression" he cannot see that he's sitting in shit in a completely different country. But the father stays with him. I was the jealous older brother. But once I got a whiff of sweet, savory grace from the heavenly country, anything that smelled like the invisible hogpen I'd come from was to be avoided at all costs.

Jesus' sayings on being a disciple still stank. I was still hearing them with ears of shame.

Here's why my perspective on this was so skewed. When you believe that God is out there in Heaven somewhere offering grace and forgiveness to those who will accept it and casting into the hell of eternal, conscious torment those who refuse his way and ignite His wrath; or when you believe that he is some divine bookkeeper who, even once you've accepted his "forgiveness" keeps record of wrongs and rights in order to hand out rewards and punishments at the end of time; or when you believe that you are a sinner who must become holy and clean yourself up and confess every sin in order to be pardoned and remain in his "grace"…well hearing Jesus' words on being a disciple sounded about as appealing as becoming a martyr for allah, mainly because the disciple that Jesus describes looks nothing like the god that he seems to be asking us to serve rather than imitate. How is one to "Be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect" if this father shows vengeance and wrath and is constantly pointing out people's sin…and yet Jesus asks his disciples and followers to do the exact opposite?

Aaah…you begin to see the predicament that evangelical Christians are in today. Shall we do as He says and not as He does? Or shall we believe the Good News that God the Father really is exactly like Jesus the Son, and always has been and always will be? This is the predicament I found myself in. It's scary to let go and believe that God is like Jesus. You almost don't know what to do when you're no longer motivated by fear and judgment. Then there comes this overwhelming realization that everyone in the world is home-free, whether they believe it or not. God sees everyone the same way that He sees me, in the perfection of His love: redeemed, reconciled, forgiven. It is his utmost desire that they know this truth. This is where my desire to be a disciple has at last been ignited. 

I believe this is what happened to Paul on the road to Damascus. What causes a man to stop murdering in the name of God and suddenly lay his life down for others in the name of God? What causes him to stop carrying out judgment upon the world to rather serve the world? Listen to his own words in his letter to the Galatians:

"For you have heard of my former manner of life in Judaism, how I used to persecute the church of God beyond measure and tried to destroy it; and I was advancing in Judaism beyond many of my contemporaries among my countrymen, being more extremely zealous for my ancestral traditions. But when God who had set me apart from my mother's womb and called me through His grace, was pleased to reveal His Son in me so that I might reveal Him in the nations, I did not immediately consult with flesh and blood…"

Do you see what he said? God was pleased to reveal His Son in Paul. So when Jesus stopped Paul dead in his tracks and said, "Saul, saul why are you persecuting me?" Paul realized in this revelation, that Jesus was the son of God, and in seeing Jesus, he somehow saw himself there too. His own sonship was awakened as he realized the true nature of who his Father was. His Father was like Jesus, not taking life in wrath and religious vengeance, but laying down His life in love.

(And take notice, Paul wasn't persecuted because he went around preaching a new religion to convert people to. He wasn't saying, "Hey guys, there's a new god in town to worship and I'm right and your wrong. Now turn to Jesus or else." If that were his mission, he wouldn't have been killed. All kinds of retributive gods were worshipped at the time…what's one more? The thing that upset the religious culture was that the nature of this God he proclaimed was infinitely forgiving and merciful. This is weakness in the eyes of the world. Without fear of retribution, how do we keep the religious order? Without fear, how do we keep the social order? This was a way of life that was just too risky and must be silenced. The threat of such a "weak" and "foolish" god was too much.)

This huge revelation is the vital component that absolutely must precede discipleship and free us from all religion. Once you know who your Father is, you realize that you're like him too! And so you want to learn from him so that you know how to follow him and recognize his voice as opposed to all the other, more familiar  religious voices. It's no longer about earning rewards or approval. Reigning with Him in His kingdom is going to require a brand new mind. A mind that recognizes Heaven in the things that this world considers weak: things like forgiveness, mercy, the poor, the meek, the sick and the marginalized.

The word "disciple" now sounds glorious to my ears! Now, don't get me wrong, it is still a very intimidating concept. The fact that the highest honor for a disciple of Jesus is martyrdom doesn't escape me. It isn't even a journey that I feel I've begun to embark upon yet, except for in my dreams. I live in the wealthiest country in the world, my husband and I recently bought a 3 bedroom 2 bath house, we have two vehicles and my first priority as a mom are my two sons. I get frustrated when I don't get enough sleep at night and I get bent out of shape when plans I have for the day or week get interrupted by distractions. "Self" at the expense of another is still a very real, very stern master and while it demands my service, it also delights in beating me with guilt. 

This is why the realization of Christ in me as my true identity is so very crucial. Without understanding first that I am a daughter to the one whose nature is like Jesus, then I can be easily tricked into thinking that my selfish impulses are the true me, and then I lose all hope of escape. But Jesus' first word of instruction to disciples are to come and rest. As we take his yoke (teaching) upon us and learn from him, he assures us that he is gentle and humble in heart. If he is infinitely patient, then we can be patient with ourselves as we learn this new way of life and discover the abundance in loving and serving another, even if we do so in baby steps. He is giving us a tutorial of who we really are and invites us to follow him as he shows us the ultimate beauty of the human race. 

I'm certain that when Paul first awakened to sonship that he had no idea how much love would eventually come awake in him that would cause him to subject himself to "imprisonments, beaten times without number, often in danger of death. Five times…received from the Jews thirty-nine lashes. Three times…beaten with rods, once…stoned, three times…shipwrecked, a night and a day…spent in the deep..have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from [his] countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers among false brethren; …in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure…" And in his letter to the Philippians in chapter 3, we hear his heart expressed in wanting to continue on to eventually win the prize of martyrdom! And not for the sake of boasting or becoming some heroic icon, but for the simple sake of identifying with Jesus in this most incredible, freeing, selfless love. To know what it is to love another that much! That is the prize! Not some mansion in the sky that is bigger than everyone else's. I find this so incredibly beautiful. The way in which he learned to love as a result of knowing his origin in Christ leaves me just breathless. And it gives me such hope that I may learn to love in such a way. Seriously, I dream about it. Everyday I find myself asking Jesus to teach me, to teach me in some small way to be a disciple today.

I am not expressing this as a point of boasting over such a pious dream, but simply to share and invite you into my awe of Jesus and those who have truly dared to follow him and my desire to grow up into this love. 

We're all in this together. If we can learn anything from our Lord today, this very moment, let it be these two things: Jesus calls us to be and make disciples…not rabbis. We are free to keep our "Student Status" indefinitely. So learn on! And also, humanity is beautiful and is worth our labor in love :-)

Seth Daniel's Birth Story

This post is most lovingly dedicated to my friend and OB, Dr. Collette Lessard Anderson and her sweet husband, Kyle.

What? What does a birth story have to do with the "Rose Colored Gospel"? 

Just keep reading, friend. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit are present in every bit and piece of our lives and the Good News (gospel) that they have to declare is meant to penetrate any circumstance and event that we will allow.

My baby Seth is two months old now and is a most precious and "delightful" (that's the word his pediatrician recently used to describe him) little boy! He smiles at everything and tries so hard to talk to his dad, big brother and me. He is such a joyful addition to our family.

Now, before I get into the adventurous story of his birth, I need to give you some back stories that may seem completely off the point, but I assure you, they aren't. 

As I've mentioned before on this blog, I grew up in a Southern Baptist tradition. From what I remember, although I'm not sure that it was explicitly taught this way, we had what is called a "cessationist" view on the gifts of the Holy Spirit; meaning that things like healing, speaking in tongues and the miraculous were gifts distributed to the apostles and the first century church, but they ceased to be necessary once the Holy Bible was compiled and the canon complete. The Holy Spirit's role was reduced to that of the "Great Conscience" that convicted us, or made us feel guilty about sins we had committed so that we would be led to pray for forgiveness.

In those days I had no revelation of how incredibly freeing and life-giving the Spirit is! Not only does the Spirit still work in giving these amazing gifts, but he also does everything possible to ignite constant joy in us (Romans 15:13)! The Spirit does not remind us of sins that our Father has said he's forgotten (Hebrews 8:12). Instead he takes what belongs to Jesus and reveals it to us, letting us know that it's ours too(John 16:12-15). He shows us the kindness of our Father and the grace upon grace upon grace that He has always lavished upon us(Ephesians 1:4-6). He has always intended to draw us out of hiding behind the bushes in our shame, to come confidently and boldly before His throne that we may joyfully cry, "Abba! Daddy!" (Hebrews 10:22, Romans 8:15-16).

Anyway, in my college years I attended a Vineyard church and began to discover the Holy Spirit, not necessarily in the graceful sense that I just explained to you, but more in a sense of oddity and weirdness and in a way that let me know that He was definitely real. Don't get me wrong, my precious pastors and friends tried to teach me all about the ridiculous goodness of the Lord, but my ears weren't really ready to hear that part. But I'm so thankful that they preached His goodness unapologetically, week after week. Their words and faith tilled the soil of my heart for four years, priming me to finally receive the seed of God's Word with gladness and relief. What a crazy journey the Spirit takes us on in this life all so that he can teach us to love one another because we are loved by our Father (1 John 4:19)! Even the most insignificant decisions, he uses. One of my favorite authors, Robert Capon, said that "nothing" is God's most preferred building material! He created this whole world using the building blocks of "nothing". He made new life and a whole new creation out of the "nothing" of Christ's death, and he can't be stopped from using the nothingness of our insignificant or even our worst decisions to create clean hearts within us. Or, as I prefer to see it, He reveals the clean heart that was already there by chiseling away the stone that once hardened it (Ezekiel 36:26). But, on with the story…

So, I started to see the realness of the Holy Spirit. At church as we would worship together, I saw people fall over, speak in weird languages, be overcome with laughter and even healed on the spot from different kinds of ailments. (So much for cessationism). My mind was blown and I wanted this stuff, but without having a revelation of grace and the goodness of God, my experience in "trying to get it" went sour. Fear and guilt were still my motivators, so in my mind these things weren't gifts, but were rewards that I could attain by climbing a ladder into the favor of God's heart. This, I thought, would be accomplished by "right living", many hours of prayer and "pressing in" for more, proving myself by taking big risks to show that I could be trusted, and building up my faith to believe for big things. I was a grasshopper in my own eyes and I needed to become a giant before I could enter into the land of promise (Numbers 13:33).

Before I continue, let me say that this is very cult-like thinking. Anytime you believe that you must break through certain levels to get to God or to get more of Him or more of His stuff (be it the "charismatic gifts" or a "closer relationship with Jesus"), you have officially exited Christianity and entered into a form of paganism. It may look like "godliness", but there's no power in it and you WILL burn out in a fit of depression that sometimes even ends in Atheism. The God that Jesus Christ came to reveal is the one who comes to US (John 1:14)! He offers EVERYTHING he has freely. This is grace. This is Gospel: All things are yours because he gave it (1 Corinthians 3:21-23). You didn't "earn" your natural birth and you don't "earn" your spiritual birth (1 Peter 1:3, John 1:12-13). You know that you were born naturally because you exist here on planet earth outside of your own will. Likewise, you know that you are born of the Spirit by believing it. Your belief doesn't CAUSE you to become "born again", your belief simply allows you to see and experience it. Just like you can see your natural existence with your eyes, belief is having the eyes of your heart opened to see your spiritual existence. Is that enough beating of that horse?

See, in what I had been taught growing up, the way that I grew "closer" to Jesus was through my own efforts to "do" certain things: reading the Bible, praying and living a life of "purity" and holiness so that I wouldn't build any walls between me and God by sinning. That then is the understanding that I brought over into this new world that the Spirit was showing me. But you can't pour new wine into old wineskins or you'll lose it all (Matthew 9:17)!

So in my college years, I began laying my hands on people and praying for miraculous healing. I even went with a good friend into a funeral parlor when one of our classmates passed away and we prayed over her in the casket to rise from the dead. But nothing ever seemed to happen at my hands. And I really believed it would! So I grew increasingly frustrated. I helped start a 24/7 prayer house on our campus my senior year as a last ditch effort to get God to move miraculously. 

By the end of my senior year, I was done. I mean, done. I had tried everything from fasting for days to praying for hours on end and I just couldn't figure it out. I couldn't figure God out. I was doing my part, but He didn't really seem to be doing his. I couldn't make myself "believe" any harder. I still believed that miracles could happen and that God wanted them to happen, but I just didn't have what it took to be disappointed, and sometimes even heartbroken, anymore.

I believe that when I finally gave up, the Father, Son and Spirit applauded! I think they thought, "Finally! Now we can actually teach her something!" I rarely read my Bible anymore, because I mostly felt condemned by it. When I prayed, it usually went like this: "Jesus. Help." And so commenced my learning of the unutterable goodness, love and grace of our Father. And this learning journey will never end…it only gets deeper and more vast. But I'm kind of getting ahead of myself...

A few years later my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our first son, Haven. I really wanted to have a natural childbirth. When people ask me why, the only explanation I have is that I wanted to see if I could do it. I guess it's like folks who want to run a marathon. I don't understand running at all and I think it sounds awful to put your body through that when you don't really have to. But I do understand the love of a challenge and I think that's the main reason I wanted to give birth without medication. 

Well, I had heard of this book called "The Supernatural Childbirth". It was a woman's story of having 3 totally natural, pain-free deliveries. She was told by doctors that she would never even have children, but she and her husband believed that God would enable her to conceive and she did. She talked about preparing for nine months by praying and believing and "building faith" through meditating over certain Bible verses and promises so that by the time she delivered, she had "enough faith" for a painless birth.

It was a great story and sounded really wonderful, but no way was I going to put in the time to do my part and "build my faith". I was afraid that if it didn't work, I would be too disappointed to ever trust God again. 

So instead, I checked out all of the Bradley Method books that I could find and read tons of birth stories online and learned all about the wonder of natural childbirth. My theory was that the more I knew about what to expect during labor, the easier it would be to cope with the pain. This turned out to be true. The day came for my delivery, and it was hard. I labored for about 8 difficult hours at home. When I went into the hospital, I was dilated only 3 centimeters and it was another 10 hours before Haven made his grand entrance. I made it (barely) without the epidural. But when I was around 8 centimeters they needed to give me some Pitocin because labor had stalled and I wasn't progressing. So I gave in and took a pain medication in my IV (I think it was called Fentynol - not sure how to spell it). But any woman who has had that medication during labor will tell you that it relieves nothing. It does make your head fuzzy enough to allow you to relax through the contractions though, so it did help in that way. I considered my labor a success, but my husband swore that when we had our next child, I WAS GETTING that epidural! He said that it was like watching me undergo torture and there was nothing that he could do about it.

Looking back, I can see how the Spirit was fully present with us all throughout my labor and delivery, although I wasn't aware of it at the time. My OB is a good friend of ours and she did absolutely everything in her power to protect my dream of natural childbirth! She even snapped at one of the nurses for me when it was called for, and she encouraged me all the way to the end. She was Jesus to me. The love and care that she felt and showed to our family and her passion to see my desires fulfilled was most certainly born from above!

Haven was around 7 months old when the grace of God really began shaking me awake. (You can go back and read my introductory post if you want more details on that). I started understanding that what Jesus revealed was a Father who can't be bought or manipulated. He is a Father who gives GIFTS and BLESSINGS. Neither of those words has room for earning or merit. His heart is just to give. None of the stuff I had done (or tried to do) before was bad. Reading my Bible, praying, fasting, healing, raising the dead; they're all wonderful things. But they are meant to be RESPONSES to his goodness and grace. They are responses to his gifts and promises and blessings. They aren't a means to achieve them. And they MOST DEFINITELY aren't rewards given to the "spiritually elite". We mustn't think for a second that we can twist His arm hard enough or scratch His back for long enough to make Him give us what we think we want or need. 

(And, can I say with much delight, He extends to us the same courtesy? He'll never control or manipulate us into doing what He wants. This is why most of our "Hell doctrines" need to drastically change! But that's another post for another day...).

It's like this. When I know that God has ALREADY healed the whole world and reconciled all things to himself in Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:18-19), I am then compelled through joy to pray for the sick. If nothing happens (that I can see), that's okay! The Truth still stands and there's nothing wrong with my prayer! There is a mystery and an incredible adventure at work here. Jesus said that when we ask, we can believe that we've received what we've asked for (Mark 11:24). That's insane! It makes no sense sometimes to what we experience, but it gives such hope. And it isn't a false hope. It is a hope that just rests in trust. It's the most wonderful and joyous way to live! I no longer live under a burden of guilt. I'm just a kid who gets to trust that what her Dad says is true. Maybe that's not enough for you. Maybe you're tempted to think "Why pray, then? Why do any of this stuff if it's all up to Him anyway?" I can tell you that my reason for doing it is because it's fun! A true joy. It is a life of participation and dependency on the One who has it all figured out and knows the end from the beginning. We can relax and ride this wave of mystery that is most unpredictable. And sometimes, we'll get to participate in miracles…maybe even in increasing frequency! Other times, we will just trust and know that our trust in Him is a most powerful river to drift on.

This finally brings me to the birth of my second son, Seth Daniel. So, part of the gospel revelation that Jesus has shown me in the last two years is that every human being has been included in the love of God, whether they've accepted it yet or not. There is no "in" and "out" group. Every human is a child that belongs to our Father (Acts 17:27-28, when Paul is speaking to idol-worshipping pagans). Every human has Christ in them even if it has not yet been revealed to them through faith (Colossians 1:25-28, verse 28 stresses EVERYONE). This is why it's becoming more natural to love complete strangers. It's because I now see, through the eyes of faith, that the deepest truth about them is love, therefore, I'm drawn and attracted to them. Hopefully, if you follow my blog, I've been able to make this clear in my writing. Christ isn't someone that we attain or "invite" to live inside of us. Rather, he is our very substance, and ignorance of that fact doesn't nullify its truth. It simply hides it. But all things that are hidden will be brought into the light…!!!!!!!!

This revelation has been an incredible part of my journey and is changing my world and my paradigm.

When Haven was about 18 months old, we found out that we were expecting our second son, Seth. I was so excited, but I was definitely dreading going through childbirth again. I was considering the epidural this time, but really didn't want to as I'm not a fan of needles. I was at work one day and told one of the ladies who came into the club that I wasn't looking forward to labor. She said, "Oh Sarah, don't expect for it to be bad. If you have bad expectations, it will be way more painful than if you have positive expectations." I knew at that moment that that was the wisdom of Christ in her speaking to me and telling me to hope. I have no idea what her beliefs are but I do know the One who believes in her. So I treasured her advice in my heart, allowing it to mingle with Jesus' words that say "Let it be according to your faith."

After that, I had three dreams and in all three of them, I had an easy and pain-free labor & delivery. Psalm 139 says, "He knows my sleeping and my waking." So I treasured those three dreams as gifts. At my next doctor appointment, I told my wonderful OB about my dreams. I think I just wanted to see her reaction. When I told her the dreams, her eyes lit up and she said, "That would be awesome!" There was no eye-rolling or any other kind of hint insinuating that it was an ignorant hope. She simply shared in my joy without giving me any cause to doubt. Again, I took this as Christ in her encouraging me in my desire.

Two of my best friends from Kentucky came to visit me one month before Seth's birth and I decided to tell them about the dreams. They said, "Sarah, we've learned not to doubt your dreams and what you hear from the Lord." It was so precious to hear that from them and I was again convinced that the Spirit was speaking to me.

A few weeks before I delivered, I was watching my husband play tennis and one of the ladies at the tennis club came and sat next to me. She told me about the births of her four children and then she looked at me, touched my arm and said, "You know that this labor will be much easier than your first one, right?" I smiled and said, "I'm beginning to think so too." Thanks Jesus.

They tell you that all pregnancies and births are different. Many women say that the second is usually easier than the first, but then others say the exact opposite. And the doctors say there's just no way to know. Sometimes the second one is easier and sometimes it's not. I throw that in there so that you won't just think that Seth's birth was easier because he was my second. You still may come away thinking that by the end of my story and that's fine. But where's the magic and romance in that? What's the fun of trusting God and having faith if we have to be suspicious of everything and try to separate the natural from the Spirit? Why can't we just believe that EVERY good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of Lights? I think he has so infused the natural with the Spiritual that we can see all things, all the way down to our digestion of food, as glorious! Don't miss his movements and his miracles just because they're too close to your face!

One week before I delivered Seth, I went to get my haircut. I was talking with the girl cutting my hair and she told me about the birth of her daughter (women just love to share their pregnancy experiences!). She told me that when she went into labor and arrived at the hospital, she was 0 centimeters dilated, and she got to 10 centimeters in 20 minutes! Now that is incredible. I had never heard of that happening before and I was just amazed. As I was walking out the door, she said, "Good luck with your baby! It's gonna be really easy for you." She said it so matter-of-factly. She didn't say, "Well, good luck, I hope it's not too painful." No, she looked me right in the eyes and said it with certainty. Jesus revealed himself yet again during a random haircut. I tell you, he makes himself known anywhere that we decide to be aware of his presence. 

Now, throughout nine months of pregnancy, I also received my fair share of negative predictions. But trying to recall now, I actually can't remember the details of any single one of those statements. We're free to reject that crap. It's called discernment. During those instances when people would speak contradiction to my expectation for good, I could hear in my heart Jesus' gentle voice saying, "They don't know what spirit they're of. (Luke 9:55)" 

On Sunday, August 25, I felt some contractions around 6 a.m. They were very mild and were consistently 10 minutes apart. Two hours later, they stopped and there was no more action until Thursday, August 29. It was the same thing. I awoke at 6 a.m. to very mild contractions. We're talking mild to the point where I may not have even noticed them had they not come every 10 minutes on the mark. They remained like this the entire day. I kept thinking, "there's no way that these contractions are strong enough to be doing anything." I took a couple of naps with my 2-year-old, we went outside to play tee-ball and basketball. That's how easy these contractions were. My husband got home from work around 8 p.m. and they started to get slightly more intense and some of them were moving to 7 minute intervals, but nothing closer than that. I was still walking through them and going about our regular routine. We enjoyed a nice Chinese dinner and laid down for bed at 10 p.m. I was too excited to sleep. I knew that if the contractions hadn't stopped by now, this was probably it. But then some of them moved to 15 minute intervals, so I was unsure. I got out of bed around midnight to watch tv and try to settle my mind down so that I could get some rest. At 2 a.m…WHOOSH! A monster contraction hit with a vengeance. When it was over, I laughed because I realized that even if this wasn't going to be the completely pain-free delivery that I had hoped for, I wasn't disappointed in God or in myself! This was huge for me. I knew that I still trusted him and all of the hopeful dreams and words that he had spoken to me over the last 9 months. I was going to fully enjoy this experience with Him even if it was painful, and that made me so happy to know that my joy and trust weren't dependent on my circumstance. WHOOSH! Three minutes later, another monster contraction. I woke my husband and decided that it was time to go get that nice epidural that I'd heard so much about. He called the hospital and the nurse on duty was a friend of ours. He told her that my contractions had just moved from 7 minutes apart down to 3 minutes. She assured him that it would probably still be awhile, but that we were welcome to go ahead and come in and drop Haven off with his babysitters. I had one more monster contraction and suddenly they stopped. Hmm. I laid down on the bed because those three contractions had exhausted me. A few minutes later…WHOOSH! I had to push!! What??? I had only had three strong contractions at three minutes apart…surely it couldn't be time to push? My body said otherwise. 

We still had a 25 minute drive to get to the hospital. Somehow, my husband managed to get me and our son in the van and as soon as we pulled out of the driveway, my water broke. "Should I be speeding?" He asked me. I was doing everything I possibly could to fight my body so that I wouldn't push him out! "Speed!" I shouted. "Straight to the hospital!"

I kept wondering if I should maybe ask him to pull over so that I could just deliver him there in the van, but gosh! I didn't want to do that! We made it to the hospital at 3:10 a.m. Amazingly, the receptionist from the labor and delivery floor just so happened to come outside for a smoke break right when we pulled up. She got me a wheelchair and offered to push me upstairs while my husband parked the van. She was trying to make pleasant conversation until she realized I was pushing. I felt a much welcomed wind on my face as she run-wheeled me to the elevators. We got to the third floor and there was our nurse friend. "Oh hey, Sarah!" She said nonchalantly. "Oh hey, Steph! I'm pushing!!" 

Again, I was run-wheeled to the delivery room and plopped onto a bed. No time to even put on a hospital gown or get an IV or strap on the fetal monitor. The on-call resident barely even had time to check for dilation and I looked at the overseeing physician and said, "Can I please push now?" He said, "Do you feel like you need to?" 

I laughed. My body was already doing it for me. My husband and son barely made it up to the room. I can't remember if it was two or three pushes, but Seth Daniel arrived at 3:29 a.m. on August 30 (one minute shy of 20 minutes after arriving at the hospital. Just like the lady that cut my hair!). The first words out of my mouth were, "Oh my gosh! He's so cute!" He was given a perfect bill of health.

My husband told me that it didn't even look like I was trying to push. The overseeing physician said, "Wow. You made that look incredibly easy." All three nurses said, "That was amazing!" The whole day, post-pardom nurses were coming into my room saying, "We heard about your awesome delivery!" That morning, one of the surgeons came in to get us to sign off on Seth's circumcision. I asked him when it would be and he said, "Well, when was he born? Yesterday?" I said "No, he was just born four and a half hours ago."

His eyes got huge and he said, "What? You don't even look tired!"

My conclusion? He gave me the desires of my heart. I got an easy, COMPLETELY natural childbirth. Zero interventions whatsoever. That's nearly unheard of when you have a hospital delivery. Had I not felt ANY pain, I would not have known to go into the hospital. He also gave us an adventure that we'll never forget with a story to tell for years to come.

The great thing is that I didn't have to "work up" faith. I didn't have to meditate every day or spend hours in prayer trying to get a "breakthrough". It was all a gift. From beginning to end. But, had it gone differently…all would still be well. He is still good. He is still love. But it's fun to expect big things. It's a joy to know that each breath we take is miraculous and is sustained by a Father who only wills good toward us. I realize that this testimony I've given may not seem as exciting or important as seeing cancer healed or a dead person raised to life. But the power for any of those things comes from the same source. The One who cares about each sparrow that falls to the ground and knows every hair on our heads hasn't limited His interests to the more serious things. Raising a person from the dead might bring him a lot of fame and glory…but he doesn't seem interested in doing things just so he can be famous. He is most interested in being known as the lover of our souls and convincing us that he is ALWAYS with us. He also seems very content to remain mysterious. Yes, we can know Him. We can know Him so intimately. But we will never figure him out in a way that we can predict his behavior. Except to trust that his behavior will never violate or abuse us and will always do good, loving things to us, for us and in us.

Thank you for sticking with me through this long post. I hope you're encouraged and will begin to hear the Spirit and see Him everywhere.

Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men!

"And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself, not counting people's sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation."

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Ah, those sentimental Christmas words always bring a familiar carol to mind and I start humming before I've realized it. But, seeing as how it's not even Halloween yet, this isn't a Christmas post. This is just a random day when I'm excited at the grand and hopeful expectation of seeing sentimentality become reality. It really is happening and we're all invited to participate in this amazing party that is mysteriously spreading across the globe! We're beginning to realize that when Jesus gave "The Great Commission" in Matthew 28, he gave us a message that was so thrilling, so surprising, so wonderful that we would almost be compelled to dance it into all the nations!!!!! It's so much more exciting than what we've previously believed "missions" to be. We do not have to go into all the world telling people that they are in the wrong with God or on the "outs" with him, but that if they'll just pray this prayer, they can be part of the "in" group that he loves. That they can "get right with him" by believing and confessing a certain set of principles. BORING!!!!!!!!!

No, no, no. We carry the truth of a grand romance. A romance about a loving Father who has always loved us, always cared for us and sent His son, the truest man to ever live, to reveal this truth to us. And in the bosom of the Son, he held us and baptized us into his death and raised us into a new life! A life where we know we have been fully reconciled to our Father who has always been FOR us. So now, we get to just go out and love people, get to know them, hear their stories and, together, discover Christ in us.

Seriously guys, peace on earth is not some crazy, whacked out idea! It's our portion in the Lord, given as a gift. We've all been given life in this world, born of our mothers into time and space. We also have an even more substantial origin in our Father. He has birthed us from above, born of the Spirit, and made us partakers of divinity so that our every moment can be filled full of eternity and purpose and significance!

The resurrection of Jesus raised up a WHOLE FREAKIN' new humanity!!! Faith gives us the eyes to see it. Faith gives us the eyes to see every man's TRUE life, TRUE identity that is hidden in Christ with God, whether that man is living in this reality or resisting it. Whether he has received the Spirit that cries out from within him or ignored it. The truth is still the truth and it pleases our Father, by His spirit, to reveal his son in us. 

St. Paul knew this so well. He said that he could no longer regard ANYONE from a mere human perspective because he was utterly convinced that if one died for all, then all had died! What glorious revelation!!! What freedom to love another without reservation or exclusion!

I feel like I've been a bit of a broken record on this point, but I'll say it again because I need to hear it again: Truth doesn't become true WHEN we believe it. Rather, truth is true SO that we can believe it. This is the beauty of grace and unconditional love. There is zero transaction. Zero. Belief isn't our trading card that we cash in to receive grace. Grace just is. Believe it or believe a lie. Let go and trust it, or keep resisting. But to trust or believe is to finally experience reality. It is Dorothy walking through the door from Kansas into the wild and unpredictable land of Oz. She stops seeing the world in black and white and sees the beauty of technicolor!

I was prompted to write today as I was reading about a beautiful group of folks, they call themselves "The New Ecstatics". They went into the garbage dumps of the Philippines this past week and brought an absolute PARTY to the poor and marginalized of society that are currently living there. They threw them a love feast and a wedding celebration for the couples living there just for the fun of loving!

It may be tempting to say, "Yes, they provided for them for a day, but what did they really help in the broader scope of things?" 

I used to think this way. What a completely faithless frame of mind to have! But here's the thing. An opportunity to show someone that they are worthy of a feast, or worthy of a hug or kiss or smile or our time and to share that with them as friends and equals with no other agenda than to simply enjoy life together...well that is a moment that can never ever ever be lost or wasted! Why not? Because love is absolute substance. It's the most real substance that exists. Love builds and reveals something so substantial that nothing temporal can ever tear it down. It's the unshakeable Kingdom on earth as it is in Heaven.

There may be wars and rumors of war. Earthquakes may have their way with the land. Governments may shut down and economies be shaken. Meanwhile, there's a small party happening in a garbage dump in a remote part of the world. People with nothing to give back are being adorned with jewelry by messengers that are full of faith in the revelation of Jesus Christ. And though we may not see the full scope of it yet, they have changed the entire world. Forever.

This Kingdom is real. It can be seen by faith in your every present moment. In fact, let's try something contemplative together. 

Just take a second and ponder the Father who loves you. Feel wave after wave of his love as the tender touch of the Spirit warms your heart. With every inhale and exhale, he sustains your life and embraces you in the Beloved. Imagine drinking his love like it's a glass of wine. Taste how good it is! Let your mind get all woozy for a second as you just enjoy his immediate presence and the intoxication of his goodness. If you're outside, look at the freedom of his personality expressing itself in creation. In the birds of the air, the swooshing leaves of the Weeping Willows, the light sprinkling of the rain, the subtle parting of the clouds that lets the sunshine seep in, the wind sweeping fallen leaves into a dancing funnel. Delight in his delight.

Now, if you're in a place where people are present, take a second and watch them while believing that Christ is alive within them. If it's your kids, see how they play with such determination and energy. If it's strangers in the coffee house, see how they take the first sip of their drink with satisfaction or smile and laugh as they converse with friends. If it's your co-workers, notice how they take such care in what they do. Even the annoying guy that you try to avoid, look at the way he hangs the pictures of his family throughout his office and works to provide for them. 

Now picture our loving Father taking delight in each of them. Each one he has created so uniquely. He's working in all of their choices and busyness to show them that he's there with them and IN them.

Now, notice what's happening in your heart. Your fondness for your neighbor is growing. As you see how much love is flowing toward you and toward them, your worries begin to disappear and all that seems to matter is relationship and this enormous revelation.

Now that's some fun meditation, right? I've been practicing it more and more and I tell you, it changes your perspective! To begin to see as He sees is powerful and he is continuously teaching us to see better!

This is how the peace of Jesus is made manifest. As we see TRUTH by faith and act accordingly. Because, guess what, if what we see is a lie, we will also act accordingly. The truth is WAY more fun. What could be more enjoyable than a life of love? Even when the love isn't returned, it doesn't ruffle or shake us up the way that it once did. The nearness of God is too beautiful to be overshadowed by anything else. Paul said that "To the pure, all things are pure". It's such a pleasure to live in that kind of innocence. To believe the best about people and about the world and to get to rejoice in the manifestation of it!

All praise to the Father, Son and Spirit! This life is heavenly!

P.S. Be free from any obligation to listen to the naysayers...especially the Christian naysayers who claim that they are hearing from God and use world events or politics to prove their judgments. You are hearing from God too! Don't be yoked with any teaching of fear or weird tales about the "terrible times" we are living in. There's a higher reality and a better realm where Jesus says "I have overcome".

P.S.S. If you'd like to read more about the New Ecstatics in the garbage dump, click here to read the article.

Part II - Hope and Sheep and Goats

*Be sure to read Part I first.*

One of the things that used to hamper my hope the most was actually...the Bible. At times, it suggests that there are certain things that are pointless to hope for. For example, read from a certain interpretation, it seems to say that some are doomed to be damned in their disobedience. Or that the world will get worse and worse and eventually pass away and many will fall away and only a few will be saved. This would put my two dreams out of the realm of possibility. I'm not suggesting we get a big black sharpie marker and cross these verses out, but I am suggesting that we put them in a much better perspective and when taking into consideration the whole counsel of the scriptures, we use Christ Jesus and Him crucified as forgiveness spilled from His lips, as our hermeneutic.

For years I have listened to preachers and teachers harp on the fact that "some people" tend to pick and choose the parts of the Bible that they like and ignore the parts they don't like. Well I finally realized that they, though perhaps unwittingly, are doing the same thing! We all do! So, without going into every single scripture that stands in contradiction with another (we'd be here for a while), I'd like to speak to one example. It's one I've seen time and again: Jesus' famous imagery of the sheep and the goats. You've probably been scared half to death by it (perhaps even manipulated by it) when you read it and realized you passed by a homeless guy last week without offering him a cup of water. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, go read Matthew 25:31-46.

Verse 41 says, "Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels" and 46 says, "Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life." This set of verses is constantly given more weight than say, Psalm 22:27 which declares "All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the Lord, and all the families of the nations will bow down before Him, for dominion belongs to the Lord and he rules over the nations." It also tends to outweigh Romans 5:19 -"For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous." And just to be clear, it looks to me that the "many" that were made sinners are the same "many" that are made righteous which is, according to Romans 3:23, ALL. So then what do we do with something that appears so hopeless and contradictory like Matthew 25:46 and seems to spit in the face of divine forgiveness and loving of enemies and blessing instead of cursing our persecutors? Before we get out our sharpies or become fire and brimstone preachers, let's experiment...or exSPIRITment (bad joke?). Let's read it in the context of the highest possible hope that our imaginations can muster up. We can do this because Ephesians 3:20 tells us that He is able to do IMMEASURABLY MORE than all we ask or IMAGINE according to His power that is at work within US. That verse awakens a faith in me that trusts that my imagination can absolutely soar with hopeful possibilities and my ideas apparently won't even be coming anywhere close to reality!!

So, I've had three thoughts on the sheep and goats, but for this post, I'm only going to share the one that I'm currently loving the most. And let me say that my thoughts are constantly evolving as I listen to what others have to say and teach and as I learn new things. So don't take me as dogmatically teaching what I think MUST be extrapolated from this passage. Ask me next week and I'll probably have new thoughts on the whole thing.

The first thing that strikes me occurs in verse 32 when it specifically says that "All NATIONS will be gathered before him and he will separate them from one another as a shepherd separates his sheep from the goats." (Emphasis; my own). Recently, that word "nations" triggered something in my thoughts and I was immediately drawn to Revelation 19:15 where that same word is used following an image of Jesus as the Faithful Conquerer on his white horse. The verse says, "From his mouth goes forth a sharp sword with which he can smite the NATIONS; and he will shepherd them with a staff of iron. He will tread the winepress of the fierceness of the wrath and indignation of God the All-Ruler." I'm also drawn to Revelation 22:2 which, after this "smiting" speaks of the Tree of Life in the New Jerusalem and says, "and the leaves of the tree were for the healing and the restoration of the NATIONS."

Before I go on to explain the significance I see in this, I want to put it on the shelf for a minute and continue with the Matthew passage. In verses 33-42, an amazing contrast is made between these nations that have been gathered. On the right hand, in the picture of the sheep, you have a simple and beautiful portrayal of the manifestation of the Kingdom of Heaven. There is mutual honor shared between the greatest, who humble themselves to a place of servanthood. They have exalted the "least of these" by giving the hungry food, giving the thirsty a drink, befriending complete strangers by welcoming them in, giving the naked clothing, nursing the sick to health, and visiting prisoners, thereby including them in their own freedom. There is no lack in this sheep vision. There is no hierarchy or violence or power-mongoring to be seen. The entire sheep empire is actually a non-empire where every man-sheep obviously loves the Lord with all his heart, soul and mind by loving his neighbor as he loves himself! And he doesn't even give a second thought about it because it's such a natural way of life ("When did we do these things to you, Lord? We were just living."). It's the dream of the Father come true.

Now, on the left hand we have a very accurate picture of the powers of this world...including the deceptive beast of religion (religion defined as working your way up the ladder into God-likeness and having a false view of God, and not religion defined by caring for the widows and orphans due to an overflow of grace-deposited joy). This non-relational, unloving system is built on a self-serving hierarchy where the poor, the sick, and the imprisoned are ignored and dimeaned and there is a very clear distinction and division between the least and the greatest. It thrives on the "us" versus "them" mentality. The greatest look detestably upon the least rather than seeing them as sharers of humanity made in God's image. This is also a very natural way of life when our minds are set on things below rather than above ("When did we not do these things to you, Lord? We were just clinging to and protecting the things that were rightfully ours!").

Please don't think that I'm trying to make this passage political. I'm not. Political states ranging from "Free" Republics to complete dictatorships, from first world to developing world are ALL run by the system and principle of the world on which I base no hope or trust. What I'm incredibly interested in though is the hope that I see Jesus offering in this passage for the Kingdom of Heaven consuming and destroying the kingdoms of this world through His love and grace and gentleness and kindness as the truth of Revelation 11:15 is manifest: “The kingdoms of this world have become the kingdoms of our Lord and of His Christ, and He shall reign forever and ever!”.

It began manifesting in the early (and I mean very early) church as displayed in Acts 4:32-35 - "Now the company of believers was of one heart and soul, and not one of them claimed that anything which he possessed was his own, but everything they had was in common and for the use of all. And with great strength and ability and power the apostles delivered their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus and great grace (loving-kindness and favor and goodwill) rested richly upon them all. Nor was there a destitute or needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses proceeded to sell them, and one by one they brought (gave back) the amount received from the sales and laid it at the feet of the apostles. Then distribution was made according as anyone had need."

The spirit of religion and of the world and of a belief in a violent, exclusionist god soon infected the early church as Jesus warned that the yeast of the Pharisees would do if grace became contaminated by it. But these early believers left us a most beautiful dream! And although religion successfully quenched it for a while, the dream of God isn't overcome and is now being recovered in our time in all the nations of the earth as the true heart of God, as He revealed it in Jesus, is made known.

So, getting back to the passage. What I see happening in verse 41 is that in the manifesting of the Kingdom of Heaven, the love and mercy of Jesus working through the Spirit in His brethren, causes the powers of the world to be eternally destroyed and exposed for the deceptive sham that they are in the all-consuming fire of His love. There is nothing that His love does not reach. Paul practically dares us to try and imagine the heighth, width, depth and breadth of His love. His love causes both eternal life and eternal destruction. It causes truth to live, which naturally destroys the lies we believe. It causes compassion to awaken, which naturally destroys our selfishness. It causes righteousness to dwell, which naturally destroys our sin. Reconciliation and restoration of relationship between God and man, and between victims and their oppressors are had and evil is therefore eternally destroyed. He really has and does overcome evil with good and we are invited to participate in that! Am I reading too much into the passage? You're welcome to your opinion on that.

If you now look back at those verses I referenced in Revelation, you'll see the same thing happening. Jesus slays the nations with the sword of His mouth...His word, which is Faithful and True. And this word says "Behold, I make ALL THINGS new" and "To the thirsty I will give water without price from the fountain of the water of Life." He treads the winepress of God's wrath by subverting our very comprehension of the image of God! How? Well in my understanding, God, in His anger, does not sin...instead He forgives and restores. If the weakness of God (as displayed on the cross) is stronger than the strength of man and the foolishness of God (as displayed on the cross) is wiser than the wisest man, then am I wrong to believe that the anger of God is more loving, kind and gentle than the most loving man?

And who is the Tree of Life whose leaves bring healing to the "smote" nations? It's this same Jesus. His healing words are the destruction of the disease that has plagued the nations. He is the Shepherd, but He is also the ultimate sheep. He is the lamb who was slain and who takes away the sins of the world. He is the greatest God who humbled Himself to the lowest possible place so that He could serve every single one of the "least of these", which is every man, woman and child since Adam, and exalt us to equality with Him, to be co-heirs with Him in His kingdom!

Now, having said all of this, I don't want to dilute or make light of the fact that there does lie a very real warning in these words. While I no longer see this passage as a warning of everlasting damnation (I do not see any case for the mercy, justice, grace, love and patience of God as being mere attributes or dispensations that will eventually run their course, but as the very core of his being. Jesus is the final revelation of His character and in His resurrection, he did not seek vengeance on his murderers. He didn't approach them with the fire of condemnation in his eyes, but at the end of Luke's gospel, he says that following his resurrection, repentance and the forgiveness of sins would be proclaimed in His name to all the nations, beginning from Jerusalem. He rose from the dead, not to bring guilt, but justification. See Romans 4:25).

But I do see the warning of a very real consequence for those of us who continue resisting and buy into the system of the goats. This passage comes on the tail end of a long discourse that begins back in Matthew 24. Jesus begins warning His disciples about the destruction that will come upon Jerusalem and the temple in AD 70. This destruction comes precisely because of the fact that their religion has bought into man's ideas about God, an image that is more beastly than divine, which creates hierarchy and the system of the goats. It's participation in "nation rising against nation." This isn't a criticism of Judaism; Christianity has bought into the same system. And it always, always ends tragically. But it is a warning from the lover of our souls, not a threat! It is like me warning my 2 year old not to come near the oven when I open the door. Yet, even if he ignores my warning and rebels, burning his hands, I won't abandon him in this moment of horrific revelation! I would draw him close, bandage his wounds and restore him to health. But if only he'd heeded my warning, such pain could've been avoided! Jesus offers the same opportunity here.

A mere two days later, He is unjustly arrested, accused and condemned and led to His crucifixion. Here, He fully reveals God to be completely non-violent, full of mercy and loving His enemies. The stark opposite of all we've been taught. The Sheep of all sheep. The kingdom that He is so excited about proclaiming and including us in is one where the King delights more in serving than in being served. It's a kingdom where treasure and riches are hidden within humanity, in the very image of God, the image of Christ Jesus, from which we were created. Love calls that image awake in us so that we may uniquely express the heart of our Father; a heart that is flesh and not stone. Hope lies in the fact that Jesus overcame the world. The non-empire of the sheep wins the day against the empire of the goats. But it is a victory that we will not be forced or coerced into enjoying. We may continue to resist and experience the tragedies and destruction that follow. Or we can allow His love to swallow us in its embrace. We can open our hearts to begin to imagine how far and wide this unquenchable, untameable love reaches. He'll transform us by the renewing of our minds from vessels that breathe wrath to vessels that bleed mercy.

This is why I have hope beyond measure. It is because of Him and what He has done that I have been given the freedom to read scripture with a new understanding. The Bible used to be such a book of dread for me. I still believe that scripture is God-breathed, but for all of those years that I was reading in such frustration and confusion, my problem was that I was interpreting all of it with a view of God that didn't look like Jesus and a view of myself that didn't look like Jesus. I had a terrible case of "unrenewed mind" syndrome. In light of the love of Christ and Him crucified, there were things about God and what was written that seemed so contradictory to the cross and the message of universal forgiveness and reconciliation of the world to Him. But now, when there is a passage that makes me feel heavy and uncomfortable and confused, I think it's a good thing. I blame the Holy Spirit (in the best possible sense of the word "blame"). I now hear Him whispering, "Come, let me show you a more excellent way. You feel uncomfortable because you're thinking on mere human terms and are ascribing that understanding to your picture of God, but now let the love of Christ redefine your perspective."

I think that if we could understand the revelation found in scripture through a literal and equal rendering of everything that is written, then we would not need the Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation. All we would need is to find the very best Greek and Hebrew scholar on the planet, he wouldn't even have to know God, and he could interpret what is written for us and that would be that. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth...of Christ. If we take him away from our understanding of Scripture, we take the truth right out of the words. He is the Spirit of Life, of Grace, of Counsel, of Power, of Knowledge, of Justice, of Holiness, of Sonship, of Gentleness, of Faith, of Hope, of Joy, of Peace, of Patience, of Freedom, of Fellowship, of Unity, of Love, of Sound Mind, of Glory, and of Prophecy. The Spirit searches all things - even the deep things of God, apart from the Spirit the things of God are foolishness to man, but with Him the best of man's wisdom becomes foolishness. If we are reading the Bible with the Spirit, we will not feel condemned or fearful or distressed or confused, but we will be filled with a sound mind, a burning heart and with life and peace and liberty. The letter does not dictate to the Spirit, the Spirit dictates to the letter. And His freedom rests in a revelation that is too deep for words. The revelation is Jesus.

Part I - Hope and Sheep and Goats

*I split this post into two parts , so don't miss the second part or the title really won't make sense.*

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

One thing that the Gospel has done to me is that it has amped up my "hope meter" to an incredibly high charge. I no longer feel the need to view anything or anyone from a fatalistic perspective. My expectations are beginning to be set on the good, the perfect and the lovely because these are the things we've inherited as sons and daughters of the Most High. This is the city, the New Jerusalem, that we live in...right here, right now. A few months ago I recorded some of the things I am hoping, dreaming and believing so that my family and I can celebrate as we praise and honor our Father while watching these things become manifest before our very eyes! As I was looking back over my list (I came up with ten things), two of my hopes...my two most eager hopes in fact...brought a smile to my face as I considered how ridiculous they would've seemed to me at one time.

I always touted that "With God, ALL things are possible", but man, I just didn't really believe it. Or maybe I believed that all things are possible, but not probable. Or that all things are possible, but only if it's in His will, and since His "ways are not our ways" I really have little chance of knowing the desires of His will and, therefore, certain things that seem good to me could be bad to Him, which would make them impossible. This line of reasoning would be true if He didn't go to such great lengths to make Himself, His desires and the true meaning of "goodness" known in the person of Jesus. His will is crystal clear. We've made it very confusing by our suspicious nature that can't help but to question whether grace, mercy, compassion and forgiveness are really given freely by an all-powerful God. The answer that most of our theologies come up with, even if we don't want to admit it, is "no". Something is required in return. Just look at the way our economies, politics, and justice systems work. The principle of transaction is how we operate.

So when Jesus shows up saying, "Hey, my Father doesn't fit into your systems. He's free. And He doesn't use His freedom as an excuse to do evil. He uses His freedom to be Himself, which is love. Your money is no good here. Your religion is no good here. Your sacrifices are no good here. But He would be delighted if you would just believe that He really is that good and is committed to making you as free as Him." Such claims earned Jesus honorable titles like "liar" and "blasphemer." It's a really good thing that His patience is willing to wait on our resistance to crumble. Patience isn't something I've thought about a whole lot regarding God, but it's a huge part of the Good News. His patience is so coupled with His love, and then if you combine that with His faithfulness...our willful unbelief is just no match for that kind of heart.

Trust me, even as I write these things, there's a side of me that thinks it knows better. I'm tempted to agree with C.S. Lewis who came to the conclusion that eventually God lets us have our way and says "Fine. Thy will be done," thus condemning the most resistant (who are probably the most wounded) to remain disillusioned forever. But out of nowhere, a faith rises up in me when I see Jesus stripped naked on the cross, without an ounce of vengeance or resistance. And in His willingness to submit to our stubborn will...His will somehow wins. Even in a seeming defeat, He is triumphant. Because, while it was our will to reject Him, it was His will to reject our rejection. And apparently, His will is the one that resurrects and ascends to the right hand of total agreement with the Father, who then assures the Son that all will be subject to Him. And what is so beautiful about this is that this subjection occurs not by force nor by might or manipulation or coercion, but by the very Spirit of grace.

Oh my word, the implications of this...

Being certain of nothing (including my own beliefs and conclusions) but His love gives me a gigantic reason to hope, and to hope for things that would seem impossible were it not for the revelation of the cross. Not only that, but it empowers me to believe that I have a part to play in this most beautiful, intricate story of humanity's history. Because, you see, if His submission to our violent will still ended in victory for Him...what on earth will happen as my violent will submits to His loving one? As Paul wrote in Romans, "For if their rejection is the reconciliation of the world, what will their acceptance be but life from the dead?" I feel like I can't even speak to the brilliance of this. If such a massive thing can be accomplished through our rejection, through our disobedience...what will our consent mean? As each of us gives in and says, "Yes Father, your way of love and mercy and grace and forgiveness and compassion is the image that I was created to bear. As I agree with you, as my mind is changed and renewed, as the Spirit teaches me your way, reveal this image of Christ in me!"

If I live with an assurance of the highest possible hope anchoring my soul to heavenly reality, will it not change the way that I see all people? Will that not then affect my treatment of them, my heart for them? If it pleases God to reveal Christ in me, then it pleases me to reveal Christ in every person.

All that being said, here are the two hopes that I was referring to earlier:

1. I'm expecting to see ALL men, women and children come to believe the Good News of their inclusion in the love of God and to see that they've been created in the image of that love and have now been fully reconciled to that image by being reconciled to their Father who took the initiative to make Himself and His eternal nature fully known in Jesus, and to experience the utter bliss of relationship with Him in this life and in whatever delight comes after!

2. As number one comes to fruition, I believe that the peace of Heaven will be made fully manifest among the nation's, here on earth (and I don't mean at some future point after a rapture of the righteous and a great tribulation of the wicked as this current planet dissolves in a great fireball). As this happens, sickness, poverty, discrimination and hatred in all of its forms will be abolished and the empire of love and joy will reign over our days and weeks and years.

These two things may sound a bit... naive. But, I just don't think I can set my hopes to a lower bar anymore. I have to be done with fatalism and solemn assemblies and sober expectations and crappy prophecies that require zero faith, zero hope, zero joy and zero love. I'm done with any belief that makes the cross of Christ look ineffective for certain things, especially when those things align with the merciful, healing, compassionate, restorative desires that seem to permeate His being. Are my hopes impossible for Him? I'm erring on the side of...nah.

Is it possible that I will experience and see things that are complete contradictions to my ten dreams? Sure...maybe...I dunno. I have no expectation for contradiction, but even if that's the case, I'm under no obligation to become less hopeful. He makes all things, even the worst possible contradictions, work together for our good anyway until, eventually, the contradiction must bow to the truth. We have inherited an unshakeable Kingdom. (See Hebrews 12:22-29). Let's try to realize and begin to dream about what this could mean! Even if we're wrong, let's welcome the opportunity to be wrong because our error will always lie in the fact that we UNDERexaggerated His love. His love is displayed best in the action of laying His life down for His friends, and these "friends" that He lay His life down for considered themselves His enemies. Either that's some pretty dillusional love or it envisions such great hope that it can declare an enemy a friend long before the friendship is enjoyed.